Not so hard
by half-life-of-42
Summary: Matt has a beautiful life and recovered after some incident in his youth. But then, there's this new guy working with him on the same floor...
1. Waking up

Hello folks! I present to you... this. I hope you like it.

And... sorry about my rage quit to "It's not that easy"... I hope I can rectify everything.

This is a sequel to "It's not that easy"... But... That story is not _that _good, so even though this new one is based on my first FF, you don't have to read it. This new story is better, trust me. Anyway, you'll find it here s/9351112/1/It-s-not-that-easy

Enjoy and let me know that you think.

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Fresh tea smell mixed with smooth tones from the radio made him wake up. Blonde hair rustled as his body crawled out of the bed, his joints snapped as he stretched. Matt put some clothes on, scuffed into the kitchen, got down on a chair and smiled at his wife, who was making breakfast at that moment. Her name was Jen. Her long, wavy brown hair reached to her neck and was slightly swinging while she fried some eggs in a pan. "Morning honey" escaped Matt's contently smiling mouth. "Morning Matt" the young woman replied. She turned around and handed him a bowl of soup, rice and after that a plate with eggs and some vegetables. "Scrambled, as always." Their eyes met and both looked at each other happily. "You know me too well." uttered the blonde and started to eat his breakfast.

Grabbing his lunchbox and stuffing it inside his briefcase, Matt left the apartment, got downstairs and walked to the train station. It wasn't that far away. After he got on his train, Matt found a nice place to sit. Out of his briefcase he took a magazine and kept himself busy reading. A few stations later, he got up from his seat, left the train and continued his way. Walking for around fifteen minutes, Matt reached a skyscraper, in its upper stories providing space for offices.

Right after opening the door to the company Matt was working at and smelling the familiar, greeting wave of paper-, ink- and human-scent, he sighed heavily but content. He liked his job.

When Matt finished school, he went to university, found a nice girl, married her, found a great job and was living a great life. Most of his former plans were successful and he even managed to cope with this rather unpleasant situation back then.

"Hey Ishida!" sounded from the cubicle next to Matt's. "Good morning Akira" was the blonde's response. In front of him sat a slim, tall guy with thin and long arms and legs, turning on his office chair in circles, his head covered with short, black hair and on his nose were some lathy glasses. "How was your night? Was it fun?" Akira asked with a big grin. "Oh stop being so obnoxious" said Matt, punching Akira's shoulder gently for fun.

Papers lay on decent stacks on Matt's desk, next to his keyboard. Also some pens and a cup of tea somehow managed to look tidy without even being organized. Switching on his PC and occasionally sipping a little bit tea, he began to work. Since he was an employee for a big automobile company, he had to manage some of the material flows and deliveries.

From the cubicle adjoined to Matt's (opposite to Akira's) somebody hissed to the blonde guy: "Hey, Matt?" - "What?" - "Did you get the news today would start a new guy on our floor?" - "Oh, no, I didn't catch that. Who is he?" - "No idea" answered Takuma, a handsome, not so tall guy with blueish hair. "I think he should be here by this time" he added, looking at his watch.

Speaking of the new guy, the office's doors flung open. Hastily a tall man with wide shoulders entered the room. Messy, brown hair was put on his head, spiking in all directions. Next, he sprinted clumsily through the office, in one hand his briefcase, the other hand at his mouth, feeding a rice ball to himself. He ran next to Matt's cubicle, looking confused. "Hey" he started with a full mouth, noticing his mistake and gulping down its contents. "where, um, is the bosses office? I..." he made a pause and looked at Matt. "uh, am the new guy." Said new guy tilted his head and observed Matt with narrowed eyes. The blonde pointed his hand in the direction to the searched office, adding a short "There." Smiling and waving a thank you with his rice ball-hand, the other one shot in said direction.

"Huh, weird guy" mumbled Akira. "I bet he's a dick. What do you think, Matt?" Silence. "Matt..?" - "Huh? What?" Matt stared in the air for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Err... yes... no... No, he didn't look that friendly. Let's find out in the break." - "Yeah, let's do that."

Some time later, across the office, that guy with his brown hair was introduced to his cubicle. This floor's boss showed him his stuff, the important rooms and told him something about the companies' philosophy. Matt had to admit he somehow admired the new guy's body. It was big, muscular and looked like that of a sportsman. Over his broad shoulders tensed a smooth, dark blue suit, and even though his hair appeared messy, it didn't seem unkempt or frivolous, at least from Matt's perspective that was from behind and across the hole office. For an unknown reason, this tall, dark haired guy appeared oddly familiar to Matt. Turning his head back to his monitor, he scrapped unnecessary thoughts from his mind and kept working.

When Matt was fully covered in work, a bell rang and a gentle, friendly voice announced the first break via speakers. Stomachs growling, Akira, Takuma and Matt strolled to the canteen. Everyone got a tray full of food and sat down at a table. Chatting about various stuff, they turned silent as suddenly this new guy stood behind Matt, a tray on his hands. The blonde stopped talking and turned around, looking at his face. Hazel eyes stared back.

"You're the guys from earlier, right?" he asked the small group. "Uhm... Yes. At least, I guess." said Takuma. "Can we help you somehow?" - "Do you mind if I sit down?" The three guys looked at each other, then back to the brunette. "No, not at all." uttered Akira. Being kind of born clumsily, the tall guy put his tray on the table and sat down. "I thought maybe making contact with you was easier. You seemed nice and all." he said. "So... who exactly are you?" asked Akira while Matt stuffed some rice in his mouth. To Matt's right side the guy leaned back and stretched. "I'm Taichi Yagami, but you can call me Tai if you want." He smiled. Chopsticks clattered on the table and Matt's glare at his rice bowl was soaked with venom. The others stared at him.

Picking up his tray without a word, rushing away and cramming said tray with all its contents on a small cart for used tableware, he pushed the canteen's door open with his shoulder, one hand covering his face. Long, blonde strands of hair swung frantically around his neck.

Matt bit on his index finger's joint to shut himself up, sprinted into the floor's bathroom, looked at his reflection in the mirror and let out a whimper. Why on earth did this happen to him? He managed to block his past away till now...

Taichi was somehow his first love, based on an affair, gay feelings and the loss of all his friends. Though, he had to admit, it was his fault to some degree. After breaking up with Taichi and losing control – and severely hurting himself – he blocked contact to all of his former friends. And now? Now he was married, had new friends and didn't feel the urge to be attracted to some handsome boy for quite a time. But now? Now Taichi was there. At his company. Of course, Matt didn't want him to be dead or anything (or did he?), but he definitely didn't want him in his life. Now he was working in the same department with this prick. And that was kind of raping his thoughts at the moment.

Another whimper escaped his mouth before Matt splashed his face with cold water from the sink, washing small tears away. Matt didn't even care about his shirt and just continued splashing water to his face. Standing there for some minutes, his face above the sink, Matt didn't note the door opened and Takuma stepped to him. He put his hand comforting on Matt's shoulder. "Matt? Are you OK?" Matt shrugged, pulling up his face from the sink and splattering water on his shirt. Wet strands of blonde hair stuck to his forehead. "I... I don't feel that good. Maybe I ate something bad." - "I don't think that's the problem. We all ate the same things except you ate Jen's breakfast. And it's very unlikely she poisoned you and even if she accidentally gave you something bad, she'd have called you by now."

Cleaning his nostrils from water, Matt sucked air in and wiped over his mouth. "Did he recognize me?" - "Who?" - "Tai." - "Oh, you mean the new guy? I don't think so. Why should he?" Matt sighed quietly. "I know him from earlier. We were good friends in school back then..." - "What happened?" Matt turned around. "I... I think I should tell you some other time." - "Alright. But you can talk to me if you want, OK?" - "Yes, thanks about that." The blonde smiled contently, though his eyes looked hurt and broken.

Hungry and with wet eyes, Matt headed back to his cubicle, got his lunchbox out and ate a bit, sniffling now and then. At least his meal tasted good. Drinking another cup of tea in one go, he looked at his wrist. Ten years ago, he broke it off with his former friends and Tai. Only Takeru and Kari had contact to him, since TK was his brother and Kari TK's girlfriend, to this day, to be precise. They tried to bridge the conflicts and reunite the group, but it didn't work, because Matt stayed stubborn and he didn't want to give them any further chances.

Head leaned back, eyes closed and turning back and forth on his chair, Matt waited for the break to finish. Footsteps.

"Hey..." Matt cringed. That voice belonged to Tai. "You rushed away so quickly when I sat down... Do you feel sick? Are you OK?" Matt shook his head. "I have a car, I can drive you home if you want..." offered Taichi. Laughter cracked the silence, when Matt shook and shrugged, producing weird, somehow sardonic sounds. "You're the same moron as always, aren't you?" the blonde asked with a broad, grotesque and obscure grin. "Excuse me?" asked Tai confusedly. Matt stared at him. "You don't even remember me." A heavy sigh escaped his throat. The confusion in Tai's eyes grew bigger. "I'm Ishida." Tai's jaw dropped.

"No way! Matt?" Surprisingly, he smiled gleefully and looked like he was jumping at Matt for a hug for a second. The blonde nodded, his smooth hair rustling softly. "I never thought I'd see you again!" shouted Taichi. "Figures." muttered Matt. "How are you? Man, I can't believe we didn't talk for... like... ten years?" - "I'm married." Tai's eyes opened wide. "And before being so happy-go-lucky, recall what you did back then." - "What do you mean?" Matt groaned angrily. "Damn, you're stupid. I nearly ki-" Looking around nervously if somebody was around, he continued whispering. "I nearly killed myself! And it was all your fault!" - "Why? What? You're married? And... sorry..." Fading to guilt or pity, his voice went silent.

"Get out of my face, asshole" snarled Matt and turned around.

Tai left.

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Sounds like drama, doesn't it? I'd love to hear your opinion.

See you next chapter! *waves*


	2. Helping out

Hello everyone! It's me! Again! Hello! ... Yeah. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter. I guess you could say it's a little tiny bit fluffy. Just a little.

Have fun!

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Hacking words into the computer, Matt sat at his desk with his head hanging in front of the screen and his hands crawling over the keys like frightened insects. Matt wanted to be a good employee. While tea fueled his mind, his stomach growled. His breakfast had been scarce, since his wife was on a business trip. Growling again, the stomach made its point clear: It was time for their break. Matt looked on his watch – his stomach was on time: the break was in a few minutes. Ugh, he thought, hopefully he wouldn't have to sit with that dickhead again.

Taichi had appeared at Matt's office around a week before this day. No, it was exactly a week, Matt counted the days as if he was a prisoner, living in hell, starving and rotting alone, unable to change the situation without breaking all the surrounding walls. Seven days chewed his nerves, depriving Matt's sleep. Though, Matt didn't want his coworkers to notice the blonde guy's problems, they'd only make a fuss about it.

That day Matt rushed out of the dining hall, Takuma tried to console him and Tai wanted to talk to Matt, resulting in a pissed Matt and a gone Tai. Since that day Matt didn't notice too much about this dark-haired prick. Even he got a glimpse of Tai's messy hair from across the room and Akira and Takuma flashed their eyes at this strange guy when he walked past their lunch table – they saw Matt's reaction and knew they wouldn't like him – Tai kept surprisingly unobtrusive.

One day, this suddenly changed. Rustling fabric announced a person, but as Matt noticed Tai's distinctive hair and face from his eye's corners, he leaned to the screen and typed clumsily, hoping Taichi would go away soon enough. In defiance of all hopes, the rustling fabric stopped behind Matt. "Uhm, Ishida?" Taichi's voice sounded at always, but it made Matt cringe. He didn't want Tai to call him by his first name, but he was still unused to it...

"What is it?" - "I wanted to copy something, but the copying machine won't work." - "So you'll ask me instead?" - "Uh, yeah. I don't know the others. Will you help me?" Sighing heavily, Matt got up from his chair, turned around and glared at Taichi, blonde hair covering his forehead. "Alright, fine." After turning his head rapidly to swing his hair from his eyes, he walked quickly to the copy-machine. "So? What's the problem?" - "I can't turn it on. See?" Tai pressed the power-button a few times. Holding onto the machine, Matt looked around it. Reason for the 'broken' machine was its power cable. Obviously someone pulled it out. Matt blew air through his nose and plugged the cable in again. "There. It works again." he said before turning around to Tai, who was leaning against the wall. "Thanks!" he smiled. "By the way, what are you doing later?" Eyebrows raising, Matt tilted his head. "Later?" - "Yes." - "Uhm... I guess, I'll be at home, browsing the internet. Why?" - "I thought we could hang out a bit."

Matt cringed. "Tai?" Although Matt glared with eyes full of fire at Tai, he answered with a faint smile. "Yes?" - "You do realize I can't stand you, right? Especially after all those things you've messed up." Taichi looked at the floor. "I'm sorry about that. I was a mindless idiot." - "Indeed." - "But... I want to make up for it! I want to be your friend again!" Matt shook his head. "Why?" - "You were my best friend back then and I'm really sorry for what happened." Tai stepped a bit closer to Matt and put a hand on his shoulder. "At least give me a good update about your life. What do you say?" - "Not interested." - "Oh come on!" Tai sounded pleading. "Just one chance! One evening! If you still insist on hating me after this, please do. But just let me try to amend." This guy was annoying as always. Just like back then... Taichi glared left and right to check if anybody was near, then he embraced the blonde. Arms slung around his waist and Matt almost punched Tai away, but two things stopped him: First, he was in his office and punching coworkers was not how to get a raise. Second... this divine smell that invaded his nose. Taichi smelled gorgeous. He probably used a new shampoo, new after-shave, new deodorant and so on, but under all these layers was still the same scent that smelled exactly like ten years ago.

Matt almost molt inside Taichi's arms. He was strong as always. Matt had to remember Tai's body pressed against his own, moans of pleasure filling the air...

Tai let Matt go before he could act violently. Matt blushed and glared at the floor. "Alright. Fine." One hand grabbed his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'll pick you up after work. Let's eat something." The blonde nodded and walked away.

Matt had to admit... he was aroused. Something bulged the tight fabric of his pants. He blushed and tried to cover it up as good as possible. Scurrying in his cubicle and sitting down, he tried to focus on his work. But... that was not possible. Matt thought about his first time with Taichi. The incredible feeling of getting something stuffed inside one's body that was way too big for it, the rhythmic thrusts and the hot liquid up his butt... Matt had least experienced this many years ago and just remembered how much he CRAVED for these sensations. And he couldn't even go home later and jerk off, instead he had to eat with Tai... What did he get himself into?

He glanced over the border of his cubicle and saw Taichi on the other side of the office on the phone.

Why in the world did he say "yes"? Ugh. Matt felt the urge to kick himself in the nuts, maybe that would calm him down. No. No, that was not a good idea.

When he looked on his schedule, Matt noticed there was still a lot of work left. Hands over the keyboard and sliding his chair closer to his desk, he tried to distract himself and to get the time past him as easy as possible. Shortly after his attempt on working hard, his phone rang, making the blonde sigh. Phone conferences were his most favorite thing. He picked up and tried to disable his sarcasm, it was not the best way to participate in a call.

Some hours later, he finally reached the end of his day. At work. Now he could just pack up his things, go out of the office, get into the train and arrive at home, where the first thing to do would be...

Damn it, no. Taichi invited him to dinner. Now he had to wait even longer... And he had to be with that … idiot. Frowning, he put his things in his briefcase, switched the PC off and walked out of his cubicle. Takuma and Akira got a short wave, before Matt walked out of the office. Just now, it came to his mind that those two shouldn't notice Matt's interaction with Tai, so he waited in front of the building nervously. Taichi was not there, so Yamato just stood there, looking around. A few minutes later, Takuma and Akira were visible inside the building, as they stepped out of the elevator, heading for the glass doors, that slid apart when they reached it.

"Oh, Matt! Wanna come with us catch a drink?" Akira asked. "Uhm, no, sorry. I... you know I'm not that fond of drinking and... Jen asked me to clean the house when she's away." - "Oh, alright. But why are you waiting here?" Akira pouted. "It's cold." he added. "I... remembered to make a phone-call. And..." Takuma looked at Matt's hands, but Matt buried them in his jacket pockets. Matt glared to his side, looking inside through the glass panel around the door, that formed the wall around the entrance. A slim light beam showed up, as the elevator's doors opened and Taichi got out. Matt looked back at Akira and Takuma, both looking confused, grabbed them by their shoulders and turned them around. "I don't want to hinder you guys, you better get going!" Yamato smiled softly. "See you tomorrow!" he said, giving the two guys a slight push forward. "Uhm... okay, see ya!" said Takuma. "Bye!" snarled Akira with a grin. "You'll pay for this!" Both left Matt there, chatting and talking loudly.

Whirring quietly, the glass doors opened and the tall brunette stepped outside. "Oh, you actually waited for me." Taichi said with a content smile. "I feared you'd run away." Matt shook his head. "No, I'm reliable. Where will we go?" Taichi's smile grew into a grin. "I reserved a table for us in Shibuya." - "Uh... alright. Alright. So, let's go, I guess?" Matt made a step, but Tai held him back. "What? The station is in this direction" said Matt. "Yeah, but we won't go by train." Taichi smirked. "I've got a car." - "No, wait. You don't have to drive me. Let's just meet in front of the... um... Where would we go, actually?"

Taichi grabbed Matt's hand and walked to his car. "You'll drive with me. We're heading to the Golden Summer." Since Matt was still kind of reluctant, Taichi opened the car door and pushed him inside. "Isn't it this really expensive restaurant?" - "Exactly."

Honestly, Matt didn't expect Tai's car to be like this. It was big, it was tidy and smelled like a mix between precious wood, leather and Taichi.

Said guy got on the driver's seat, started the engine and both drove across Tokyo to Shibuya. Taichi parked the car in an underground garage and both walked to the Golden Summer. Matt was impressed. It was big, colorful and nice and that was just the outside. They headed for the entrance, got inside and were greeted immediately by some cute waitress. "Good evening! Can I help you?" - "Hello. I ordered a table for Yagami." - "Wait a second... Ah! A table for two, right?" The waitress gazed at Matt. "Yes, for two." said Tai. "Okay, now if you'd follow me..." The waitress led them to a small table. Matt looked around. This restaurant was beautiful, calm, with a pleasant, dusky atmosphere. At the table, they sat down and the waitress lit the candle. It looked almost like a date.

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Yep. Cute, isn't it? I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think! I appreciate all reviews and favs and ... you know. A little support for the lonely writer.

See you next chapter!


	3. Looking back

Hello my readers. It's been a while. Here is the new chapter.

Also, I use tumblr now. If someone would follow me there I'd love to give you some updates over there.

dem-kyroma dot tumblr dot dot dot...

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It looked almost like a date. Almost.

They were two guys.

And one of them was married.

Matt's fingers drummed on the table, as Taichi rested his elbows on the table and his chin on his folded hands. When he took a sip from his wine glass, he looked at Matt. Tai swallowed and opened his mouth. "So you're telling me you're married?" - "U-huh." Matt nodded. "I met Jun three years ago and we knew immediately it would work out." - "Huh." Short pause. "Did you have boyfriends after me?" asked Tai. Matt almost choked on his steak, coughed and smiled nervously. "Well... uhm... o-one or two... But I don't want to discuss this right here." - "Well, alright. I'm just wondering that you have something with a woman." Taichi smiled softly. "Do you have kids?" Matt shook his head. "Any planned?" Matt blushed. "Well... not yet..." His head tilted up and Matt's eyes focused on Tai. "What about you?" - "No. I had some times with a few dudes after you, but my ex broke it off a few months ago..." Matt chuckled, making Tai confused. "What?" The blonde leaned back and ate another bit of his steak. Raising his eyebrows, he gulped down. "Sorry, I didn't want to make fun of you. It's just this 'After you', you know... sounds... funny." - "I'm sorry." - "No, it's alright. It's true after all, isn't it?" Taichi nodded and stared at the fish on his plate. Matt continued: "So... I guess I have to take the whole cake... What... What happened... _after me_?"

Taichi looked at him with strange eyes, not mean or anything, just … thinking. Recalling.

"Hm... After your... accident … Where should I start?" Before Matt could say anything, Taichi continued. "Hm. Sora. She counted me pretty much out after I cheated on her with … you. She thought it was strange to have a gay relationship and all this shit. She and the others... Joe, Mimi and so on … they blamed me for... you. Your..." Matt looked away, but Tai grabbed his hand. "I know it was my fault! Please... forgive me!" Tai squeezed Matt's hand, while the blonde peered into distance. "After that... I lost contact. To all of you. I changed school, found a few friends, fucked my way through college …" Matt looked around if anyone heard this jerk's language. "And then I traveled a bit around the world. After that … I looked for work. And guess where I landed and whom I met after all these years." He smiled at the blonde. "Where did you take all the money?" asked Matt. Tai shrugged. "Work. And my parents."

"And you're not married yet?" asked Matt. "Nope. I don't give a damn about these social standards." Matt pulled his hand back from Tai's grip. "So... you're gay." Matt said bluntly. "Of course. And you discovered your bisexuality?" asked Taichi in return. Matt looked unnerved. "N-no. I'm straight." - "Are you sure?" - "Yes." Taichi drank from his glass. "Well, your thing. As long as your happy." He smiled again.

Matt lied to himself. He just crawled back all the way in his closet.

"More wine?" the waiter asked. "Uh, yes, please." More wine was poured in the two's glasses.

Later that evening, when both finished their meals and drank quite a bit, Matt wanted to return home. "I... I am tired. I think we should end this now." muttered Matt. Tai nodded. "This was really nice. I hope we can be friends again now." While Tai gave notice to the waiter, Matt disputed with himself. Did he … did he really want to be friend with Tai again?

He didn't know.

And before the blonde realized it, Taichi paid for their whole meal. "Hey! You... You can't do that!" - "But I just did. Should I drive you home? I didn't drink that much." Matt staggered a bit. "That would be very nice of you..." he smiled with a crook mouth. "Is your … wife at home?" asked Tai. "N-no. Business trip." - "I see..."

Tai helped Matt get up and led him to his car, opened the door and closed it when the blonde settled down before getting in the car himself. Matt almost slept away, as the bright city lights flashed by.

Opening his eyes and looking around dizzily, Matt noticed he was in Tai's car, which was parked in front of the house with Matt's apartment. "You're quite drunk, Matt." noted Tai. "I should help you get upstairs." - "Y-yeah. Whatever." Tai pulled Matt out of his car and assisted him walking to the elevator. "What floor?" - "Five..." - "Alright."

The elevator moved them upwards and Matt searched for his keys in the pocket of his jacket, found them and opened the door. Gently, Tai put Matt on the sofa. "I'll get you a glass of water, alright?" - "Yes... Thank you." said Matt as Taichi handed him a glass full of cold tab water.

Taichi sat down next to Matt after he closed the door. "Are you well?" Nodding, Matt looked at him with drunk, dreamy eyes.

Being really tired, Matt closed his eyes, just to relax a little … and fell asleep immediately, only to feel something brush against his body.

Matt woke up, noticing an arm coiled around his neck, Taichi was next to him and still sleeping. Completely aghast, Matt pushed him away. Why was this moron still here? The guy that almost destroyed his life..? And why had he been holding Matt like this?

"Wah!" cried Taichi out as he fell from the couch. "What was that for?" Silence. "Don't touch me. Would you please leave now?" Tai looked at a clock on the wall. "Work starts in a bit more than an hour... I'd be late if I were to go home first." - "You think I care?" - "Hey, I just wanted to take care of you after you had been so drunk last night..." Matt cringed. He noticed something. Something, that was hard to comprehend and felt like chewing glass shards and gulping them down with hot acid, etching any insides away. HE was a dick. Not Tai. MATT was the asshole in this situation. This insight left Matt uneasy. "Uhm... I … I guess, I could at least make some breakfast, right? Go take a shower, the bathroom is over there. You can borrow a shirt of mine if you want to." - "Thank you very much." said Tai and walked off to the bathroom, while Matt went to the kitchen and started preparing breakfast. Just the usual, small breakfast. Nothing too fancy.

Plates and bowls were on the table the exact moment Tai left the bathroom. Brown hair hung in straight lines from his head and his body was covered in a light blue shirt from Matt's closet (how ironic) and some not so tight jeans. Matt had to admit he never wore them, so he didn't mind about Tai's choice. He wouldn't even mind if he kept them. Besides, Matt had to admit, he looked surprisingly good in those...

The brunette sat down, grabbed a bowl, smiled at Matt and started to eat. "I was amazed that you accepted my dinner invitation, but that we'd eat together two days in a row..." - "It's getting serious with us." responded Matt laughing. He got up and moved his chair to the table. "I guess I'll shower, too. Do you leave now?" - "Why?" - "Because of work." - "What about you? I'll take you with me." - "Dude, how much money do I owe you?" - "Nothing. Don't complain, we'll work this out. Now take a shower or we'll be late." - "Alright, alright."

Matt rubbed his temples and went to the bathroom.

A bit later when he was done relaxing under the hot water and after drying his hair, Matt put some clothes on and got into his living room to Tai. "I'm ready. Let's go?" - "Yeah, let's go." Opening the door and holding it open, Matt let Tai pass and followed him downstairs.

The car ride consisted more or less of silence and some bits of random small talk. "When will Jen be back?" - "Tomorrow evening. So I'll be alone till then." - "What do you think about a movie?" - "Huh?" - "Watching a movie at the cinema." - "Uh... OK, I guess?" - "You know, like old times." Taichi parked the car. "So, let's get going. I don't want to be late." he said.

Both got upstairs to the office. "Uhm..." Matt began. "Hm?" Taichi made an asking sound. "You go first. I'll follow shortly after, alright?" - "Why?" The brunette's eyes gazed on the floor, one hand holding the door. "You... you don't want to be seen with me? That's kind of... ridiculous." There. There it was. Tai's arrogant grin. Matt's fists clenched and he quickly thrusted through the door, leaving Tai flustered where he was.

Halfway across the way to his desk, Matt almost rushed into Akira. "Oh hey, look at you. It's Matty!" The blonde guy nodded annoyed and tried to reach for his table, but Akira held him back. "Where have you been yesterday?" - "You know... Drinking a bit. The usual." - "You look a bit hung over." A finger poked Matt's cheek. "There. Eye circles. Since when do you drink too much?" Correcting his glasses and turning his head, he asked in a low voice. "Could it be you've been with that Yagami?" Matt looked flusteredly at Akira's shoes. Before Akira could ask any further, Takuma joined in. "Good morning, Matt." - "Morning." - "We missed you yesterday. Will you join us this evening?" - "I think so." - "And... what was that last night?"

Great. Now both Takuma and Akira asked him questions. "Okay, I've been with Tai. Recalling old times and stuff." - "Huh, is that so. Didn't you hate him yesterday?" asked Takuma. "Look, it's complicated..." - "Okay, okay, I won't ask." Akira grinned again, showing his teeth. "Maybe he was flirting with him." - "Shut up."

His head hurt, but Matt tried to be as efficient as possible. Jen was dependent on him. He may not disappoint her.

Time went by painfully slow. After some hours, the break was finally there, waiting for the workers to relax. Sitting at the regular table with his friends, Matt ate and drank something. Takuma and Akira were with him, chatting about what happened the other day. Akira turned to Matt: "Which bar have you been to yesterday?" Flustered and nervous, Matt gulped down and searched for an answer, but suddenly Tai stood behind Akira and uttered "You know, the new one in Shibuya. May I sit down?" All three of them stared at the intruder. "Uh... sure..." Taichi smiled and sat down next to Matt. "What are you doing tonight?" he asked. Silently, Matt looked at the other two. "Usual?" - "Yep." Takuma and Akira looked at Taichi. "We're at the bar. Wanna..." Takuma looked at Matt, but the blonde just nodded and gazed downwards with unsure eyes. Takuma turned back to Tai. "Wanna join us?" - "Sure. I'll pick you up later, okay?" - "Sounds good. So... you know each other, right? Highschool or what?" Matt laughed silently. "Oh long before." he said. "We... we used to be best friends. And..." Short glances exchanged between Tai and Matt. "And then, one thing led to another and we had to move apart. I for example lived some time in Kyoto." - "Oh really. My aunt lives there. I wouldn't have guessed some troublemaker like you could live in such a calm place" Takuma joked. "Point for you, my family didn't stay there very long." Taichi smiled. Matt looked at his plate and asked himself, if this was going in the right direction.

Matt wanted a hug.

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I want a hug, too. See you next chapter...


	4. Tumbling down

Hey everyone!  
I'm still alive.

I am so sorry for not updating in so long... I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Feel free to tell me what you think.

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Several days later, Jen was at home again and Matt successfully avoided Tai in the office. Now he sat at the dinner table and ate his breakfast while reading a newspaper. "How was your business trip?" he asked. Jen put a plate on the table and sat down. "Ah well, could have been better. Did I miss something while I was away?" – "Uh... I met an old friend again, he's now working with me." – "Oh, how nice!" Jen smiled cheerfully. "Yeah..." - "Is there something about him?" - "We... He..." Matt swallowed hard. "We had a bad fight a few years back... but it's alright now, I guess." - "Oh, I see. Maybe you could invite him for dinner, that way we can get to know each other, your friend and I. What's his name?" - "Taichi Yagami." - "Sounds friendly. You know what? He can come today. Would you ask him for me?" - "...of course. Of course I will." Matt grabbed Jen's hand. "Why did you fight?" she asked, looking into his eyes deeply. Matt's guts hurt suddenly. "Uh... 'girls' is probably the most adequate term." - "Matty had a fight with another boy about a girl? That doesn't sound like you at all. You're too humble to be like that." - "I was also a lot younger. You know, puberty and so on..." - "Wow, I get to see some new sides of yours!" Jen laughed. "Would you fight for me?"- "Of course."

Matt never told her. Nobody in his new environment knew about his past. Well, except for one, and that was Tai, but he was not entirely new and more like a parasite sucking his blood out. More or less. He hadn't told anyone about him liking guys, about nearly killing himself because of some stupid feud or about his feelings. He wanted to start over. Since it was nearly impossible in Japan to get a house or something like that in a same-sex relationship, he wanted to start a life happily with someone together, even if he had no sexual satisfaction out of this. Do you really need sex to be happy?

Matt was sixteen when he and Tai started to date, even though Taichi was in another relationship with Sora. While it all looked nice and tidy at that time, sooner or later their cover was blown and Sora was – of course – hurt pretty bad... so bad, she called Matt a fagott. Big problem was, Matt was really anxious because of his sexuality at that time. He was afraid of his father who seemed to be quite homophobic, afraid of Takeru, his little brother, though this was resolved early enough, Matt was scared of his friends back then, because he built up quite a distance to them and even betrayed Sora – Matt was a ticking time bomb. And when everything collapsed onto him, when the pillars of his small world crumbled and smote him, when Sora cried and yelled because of Matt, calling him a piece of garbage that deserved to be burnt alive, Matt didn't want to go on anymore. He wanted to sit down, cry and die. Preferably the latter.

Luckily, he didn't succeed. He had now new friends and even though his past broke through sometimes, rendering Matt sad and gloomy, most of the time, he was happy. One big bummer though was his craving for … well, for being screwed. In the ass. Yes, he liked that. And he _wanted_ it. Sleeping with Jen, which Yamato had to admit wasn't as pleasant as he hoped when he tried to hook up with women, forced him to be dominant. Frankly, the blonde liked it more to be the bottom, the receiver, the uke, whatever you call it. He liked being adored, being touched by someone much stronger. This was hard to get from women.

When he was younger, he feared he had to confess his sexuality to his father. But he hadn't done this yet. Not even today. He began his new life and now only Tai, Takeru, Hikari, one or two guys from High-School and his mother knew about it. Matt's mother reacted surprisingly well to his confession. The suicide attempt was pinned on puberty depression and after some sessions with a psychologist Matt didn't dare to hurt himself again. He wanted to start over. After finishing school – and having some few times fun with another guy – he looked for a girl. Though his family found it weird that he returned to "their site", they didn't ask, understood the problem with his father and just played along. This of course made family gatherings quite awkward, because his family treated Matt's marriage like it wouldn't be serious. Honestly, this pissed him off. As long as he's happy, what's the problem? Marriage doesn't have to be about sexual attraction or anything like that. It was just... two people functioning together. And he didn't want to change that. Albeit Matt had to add one thing. Jen was just a friend to him. And now, that he once again craved the sensations of gay sex desperately – before this he managed to jam all the thoughts behind some thick, sturdy door in his thoughts, made of oak or something similar, only to have all of them break free at once – he was more than aware that he couldn't return the feelings Jen had for him. Probably, this big, fluffy lie was a worse idea than he initially thought. Of course it was.

And Matt feared the bubble might pop.

But he was fine. He knew it. There was nothing wrong. And Taichi might become a good friend again. They were best friends before everything derailed, so... nothing wrong with that, right? After adventures and beating their enemies together... Nothing at all. Just... friendship. Matt needed his friends now.

"Okay, gotta go now." he said and stood up. "See you later." Smiling, he gave her a kiss on the forehead, but his lips were cold. Soft humming of the air condition in the staircase greeted him as he pulled the door behind him shut. Work was waiting.

Not even 30 minutes later, Matt was in his cubicle, working, and he was concentrated on his work. One thing caught him off guard. Jen asked him to invite Tai for dinner. In other words, he had to stop avoiding him, he had to confront him directly. Matt had to chuckle as he realized the sound of his thoughts. It was like Taichi was some kind of wild animal, untamed and dangerous, but that was not true. Today he was a polite and friendly guy who obviously learned from his mistakes. Putting his hands down from the keyboard and stretching himself, Matt stood up and walked slowly in the direction of Taichi's desk. His lips moved slightly, as he voiced silent words, making up a sentence in his brain.

Said brain was one of the kind that had to think before and after a conversation about that conversation. What should he say? How should he react? What would happen? How would it resolve? What would the other person think of him? That was before the talk. _After_ it the brain went mad even more, thinking about alternative routes and good retorts. Well, it was food for thought, good food for though, but Matt was gutted.

Arriving at Tai's desk, Matt gently tapped his shoulder. "Huh? Oh, Matt! It's you!" he said with an immediate grin on his face, but the grin weakened quickly. "I've got the feeling you've been avoiding me." Taichi, direct as always. "What? No, no!" Matt's hands twitched up in defense. "Sorry. I was just really busy." - "I see. What is it?" Tai sounded friendly and happy again, at least it appeared so. Okay Matt. You can do this. "Jen and I thought that you might want to come over for dinner tonight." - "Oh, really?" As Matt nodded in response, Tai's mouth widened to a big smile, but again it broke down midway. "I'm not free tonight. " - "Oh..." - "What about next week? Would that fit with you two?" - "Next Tuesday? Yes, that should work. I'll tell Jen." After everything was treated and negotiated, Taichi turned around to his PC again and continued his work.

Whew. Matt got it. Yes. That was good. He returned to his cubicle. Back to work.

Finally at home again, Jen was in the kitchen, she just started cooking. "Hey Matt. Will Tai be here soon?" - "Uh... fuck. I forgot to tell you." - "What?" She turned around and straightened her apron with the back of one hand. "He isn't free tonight. He'll come next Tuesday. Is that okay?" - "Of course, but... you could have told me." - "Yes... Sorry. I forgot." A heavy sigh filled the air. "Now that's typical. You should be glad I didn't start to cook yet. But now I bought everything already..." The last thing Matt wanted now was a fight with Jen. They were rare, but thus proportionally fierce. "Can you calm down for a second?" - "I am calm!" she responded quickly. "Whatever. I'm not hungry." Matt grumbled. Shaking his head annoyed, he left the kitchen and sat down on the couch. He grabbed his laptop and booted it. "Come on..." his fingers drummed on the plastic. One of Matt's favorite songs started to play suddenly – his phone rang.

"Hello?" - "Ishida?"

Great. Taichi. The reason Jen was mad at him. "Yeah, it's me. What's up? I thought you were busy." A sigh escaped the phone. "I thought that too. A friend and I were meeting up and... things escalated." To be honest, Matt cared. "What happened? Are you alright?" Taichi gulped something down. "Uhm. Yeah. I just got a blow on the nose and I'm bleeding a bit... Sorry for interrupting your evening." Taichi said with an unusually reluctant tone.

"No, don't worry! Can I help you somehow? Should I come over?" Another gulp. "Somebody to talk to would be nice... You don't have to, though!" Exactly this made Matt want to go to him. "I'll be there." Reluctancy and all this around was well-known to him and he hated the feeling to be alone in such situation. Without a word he left his apartment, jogged to the station and chose the quickest route to Taichi. He almost missed one train and another one drove only every fifteen minutes, but after a little longer than half an hour he was finally in front of Tai's door. Long stairs and the last bits of the rush hour in his way made him panting.

Knocking on the door, Matt looked around. Were there hints of a fight? If any, Matt couldn't find them. Footsteps announced something and indeed the door opened a crack, Tai looking through. "Oh, you actually came." he beamed with joy, bits of dry blood trickling down above his lips. The door closed again and Taichi removed the small chain that prevented the entry from opening. With the chain no longer in place, Tai let Matt in. This time he didn't even try to hug him, one hand was pushing an ice pack against his nose, the other hand showed him the sofa and invited him with a gesture to sit down.

"Hell, Taichi, what happened?" the blonde asked concerned. "Do you want the whole story or a short summary?" the other muffled under the cold pack of ice. Sitting down and leaning back, Matt glared to Taichi and tilted his head. He really was curious, so he said: "The whole story. I have plenty of time." Taichi nodded, brought two glasses of water and sat down, putting the ice pack on the coffee table next to some bottles of booze.

"So... Actually I wanted to meet up with a friend, Jack. We've been friends in college and he is in Japan on vacation... And he wanted to meet me after all these years. We drank something – he way more than me, though – and... then it became awkward. He confessed his love to me even though I didn't even know he liked men. And..." Tai's eyes searched for something to hold on, "I said no. He's handsome, yes, but not more than a friend. After I said no he snapped and tried to convince me to date him, but after many 'no's and 'but's he suddenly punched me, grunting drunkenly and angrily... and he even threatened me, but I managed to get him out. That... That was why I locked the door." Taichi looked away. "I'd rather had dinner with you two." Matt rested his elbows on his knees. "Ah, well, better not. I think Jen is pissed off." - "Why that?" Taichi lifted his view to look into Matt's eyes. "I forget to tell her you'd come next week, not today. She bought all the stuff already and... well..." Pressing the ice against a red crust on his upper lip, Tai let out a slight (unnerved?) moan. It was no pleased sound. "Sorry... I shouldn't have met up with that guy in the first place." His gaze moved around. "Matt?" - "Huh? Need another ice pack?" The blonde got up. "No, please sit down again. I... I have to talk with you." - "Uhm... okay? What is it?"

"I don't know if you can ever forgive me or like me again, but I am sincerely sorry. I should have looked better after you... When I heard you were in hospital, you wouldn't believe how devastated I was..." Tai's hands clenched around invisible things. "You made me change. Thank you. Albeit other circumstances would have been nicer..." Matt sat there, twiddling his thumbs uncomfortably. "And sorry for bothering you like this. I know I won't ever be your best friend again, but I trust you and feel like I can talk to you... You were the first person I've ever loved and I'm not sure if I'm over you yet or if I'll ever will." Trying to cover most of his face with the ice pack, Taichi stood up and scuffled to the door, opening it with one hand. "Sorry for interrupting your evening and causing trouble with Jen." Matt still sat there, mouth half-open. "The first...? What about Sora?" - "You should have known best she was just a cover up... You were the first. And you can go, if you want." Taichi's muscular hand twitched around the door handle.

Matt never experienced this side of Tai. This guy always seemed like an extrovert, happy-go-lucky type of guy. Seeing him like this was scary, horrifying to be precise. And Matt didn't want to go. He wanted to stay and console his friend. There. He thought it. Taichi was his friend. And after seeing his new manner, all the good memories both shared flooded back through Matt's brain. He liked this guy. He was his friend.

Getting up, Matt instantly saw a sad glimmer in Taichi's look, like he didn't want to be alone. Matt headed for the door. He stood in front of Tai's apartment's entry. But he didn't leave.

No.

He hugged his friend. Much to his surprise, though. Arms hanging down lifelessly, Tai had to get used to this. Shyly his hands wrapped around Matt and both just stood there for a good moment.

Sobbing cut the silence. Taichi cried. This was way more awkward than Matt would ever have expected. He petted his friend's shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm here." he said with his soothing voice. The arms wrapped tighter around Matt. "I haven't got a loving hug in a long time..." Tai sobbed. "Me neither, Tai."

Matt's guts hurt like hell.

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Sooo... should he risk it?

I'm not sure when I will be able to update again... I don't want to make promises I can't keep...

I hope you all have a good time. Feel free to review this stuff.


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